#18. "Are We There Yet?"
"Are we there yet?" Sounds like a car trip -- kids wanting to know after hours of riding if we're ever going to reach our destination. But this question could also apply to the subject of "maturity".As a child, I was told that I would someday grow up and become an adult -- and be mature. Yet when I was 21, I remember thinking: When will I become mature? Not having arrived during my 30's, I asked the same question. When I reached 40, I pondered: Maybe I'll have to wait until I'm in my 50's. But I didn't feel mature in my 50's either, so could it be that in my 60's ... well, you get the idea.
What were our parents talking about anyway? Is there really such a thing as maturity? Or is it merely an abstract word whose existence is illusive at best?
How 'bout you? Are you mature yet? Do you feel mature? If so, at what age did it happen? Yeah, sure!
Are we there yet?When I get mature, I'm gonna grab the mic and jump up on Oprah's couch and yell at the top of my lungs: EUREKA !!!
posted by Virgil at 9:32 PM
39 Comments:
I as a child was more or less forced into becoming as you say "Mature" I was robbed of my childhood, doing fun things and not have to worry about the events of the days ahead. So my life as I see it is backwards. My rights, were taken from me.I was forcebly taken from my childhood and forced to deal with humiliating, deplorable situations only big people knew about. I lived in fear.
So now 55 years later, I have to learn to make the right decisions, and accept what is. And lets not leave out those emotions we all have, for me, I'm very emotional, I'm learnig how not to be judgemental, and how not to be a prisoner in my own little world. The baggage I carried for 55 years on my shoulder's is now dwindleling. Is there such a thing as "Maturity"? maybe not, is it in some ways being perfect? We are far from that, even God made mistakes! But now, I feel it, I see it, I'm wiser.
Ah! it's all coming together now, I'm getting there, and when I reach to my "Maturety" I'd like to join you that day on "Opera" and we can Yell "EUREKA" together! Right now Virgil... I want to be the big kid, have fun, love life, and trust that God will guide me in the right direction.
"Maturity" is just another word in the dictionary.
Touching base can be difficult when you cant find who you want to talk to, so finding comfort and warmth in the ones that surround you is more so emthasized till the point of emotional saturation , yet they seem to have the ability to smooth over the bumps and help build a level of solitude to help ease ones whoes and to start thinking rational again......
The Rage is under transformation again and hope fully cosmetically appealing as well as functional , when happy I can turn ideas into reality which is always fulfilling....
Can the touch of another bring immortal thoughts of extacy........
As time slowly moves on why does maturety align with beauty......
And why is beauty always better when it ages......
As life moves on , it is character building, you find , you loose , you laugh , you cry , then you find true love....
Until then you seem to walk aimless , then the clouds disappear and the path is lined with lifes delights......
The weather warms , the ice melts and life blossoms....
And then, your almost there
" Maturity is the ability to control anger and settle differences without violence or destruction. Maturity is patience. It is the willingness to pass up immediate pleasure in favor of the long-term gain. Maturity is perseverance, the ability to sweat out a project or a situation in spite of heavy opposition and discouraging set-backs. Maturity is the capacity to face unpleasantness and frustration, discomfort and defeat, without complaint or collapse. Maturity is humility. It is being big enough to say, "I was wrong." And, when right, the mature person need not experience the satisfaction of saying, "I told you so."
Maturity is the ability to make a decision and stand by it. The immature spend their lives exploring endless possibilities; then they do nothing.
Maturity means dependability, keeping one's word, coming through in a crisis. The immature are masters of the alibi. They are the confused and the disorganized. Their lives are a maze of broken promises, former friends, unfinished business, and good intentions that somehow never materialize.
Maturity is the art of living in peace with that which we cannot change, the courage to change that which should be changed -- and the wisdom to know the difference."
All this about "Maturety"! Am I there yet? Nah, do I want o be there? Nah, "Maturety" is only a word for me as well.
If and when I make this discovery that I have matured.............Can I join you and Savvy, grab the mic, jump on Opera's couch, and yell EUREKA!!!
People normally associate maturity with age-the older a person is, the more mature. Age has something to do with maturity (our psychological, intellectual, physical and spiritual development occurs with time). Still, age is not the determining factor. There are irresponsible 85 and 90 year olds just as there are mature 14-year-olds. A glimpse at current social problems is enough to assure us that not everyone over age 25 is truly mature.
We all have known cases that illustrate this unfortunate fact. Here is a typical example is a middle-aged man who leaves his wife and children for a younger woman.That was my husband, that is what he did to me the jerk, but God had a plan for him cause what he did to me his young playmate did it to him, so now he has tried to come back! Can you ever imagine that!? I said good ridence!
MY immediate reaction to this was disbelief, pain and anger. (What a senseless thing to do! "What a jerk!) I can only say that here there is an lack of the most basic human maturity.
For everything there is a season, and a time for every purpose under heaven:
a time to be born, and a time to die...
a time to break down, and a time to build up...
a time to weep, and a time to laugh...
a time to mourn, and a time to dance...
a time to keep silence, and a time to speak...
Maturity is being able to discern between one time and another, knowing what is right for every occasion.
Thank You Jesus:
Signs of Maturity...
1. Your house plants are alive, and you can't smoke any of them.
2. Having sex in a twin bed is out of the question.
3. You keep more food than beer in the fridge.
4. 6:00 AM is when you get up, not when you go to bed.
5. You hear your favorite song on an elevator.
6. You watch the Weather Channel.
7. Your friends marry and divorce instead of hook up and break up.
8. You go from 130 days of vacation time to 14.
9. Jeans and a sweater no longer qualify as "dressed up."
10. You're the one calling the police because those damn kids next door won't turn down the stereo.
11. Older relatives feel comfortable telling sex jokes around you.
12. You don't know what time Taco Bell closes anymore.
13. Your car insurance goes down and your payments go up.
14. You feed your dog Science Diet instead of McDonalds leftovers.
15. Sleeping on the couch makes your back hurt.
16. You no longer take naps from noon to 6 PM.
17. Dinner and a movie is the whole date instead of the beginning of one.
18. Eating a basket of chicken wings at 3 AM would severely upset, rather than settle, your stomach.
19. You go to the drug store for ibuprofen and antacid, not condoms and pregnancy tests.
20. A $4.00 bottle of wine is no longer "pretty good stuff."
21. You actually eat breakfast food at breakfast time.
22. "I just can't drink the way I used to," replaces, "I'm never going to drink that much again."
23. 90% of the time you spend in front of a computer is for real work.
24. You no longer drink at home to save money before going to a bar.
25. You read this entire list looking desperately for one sign that this doesn't apply to you.
And you ask: "Are we there yet"?
NOT ME! TOO BORING TO BE MATURE!
I WANT TO PLAY AND HAVE FUN. LET SOMEONE ELSE MAKE THE DECISIONS.
My parents always said that "I will never 'Mature' their right!
interesting, Someone at work recently said this to me. "When are you going to grow up and smell the coffee? How can you be so naive?" We were discussing a possible cutback & closing and while it looked imminent, I kept saying, "It's not over until it's over. It can still work out" Out of the entire staff in our dept. over 20 - only 3 maintained a positive outlook. The three of us were called childish and unrealistic. Is it immature to 'see the positive and expect good things'? I don't think so.
uuummmmmmm growing older is mandatory, but growing up is optional. I've always heard that, but now I think I understand it. I tend to think of life as a series of developments - almost as if I have lived several lives. Does that make sense? The person I was as a teenager, was so different from the person I was in my 20's. That has continued as I moved through the decades. I will think more about this subject and post more later.
Looking forward to reading other's comments on this.
Meadowlark
Hey World,
I'm out here, I'm in my young 60's. I love life to the fullest, I'm still looking for Mr. Right, He's there I'm sure just waiting for me! He hasn't realized yet that I'm the one for him! In time he will. Ya know why you asked? 'Cause were not there yet! Ah, the fun of discovery, the suspence of it all, lurking around corners, hideing behind tree's, making holes in the clouds. Nope, I'm not there yet, and I don't think I will be there for a while. Who wants to be mature? who wants to grow up? I'm still dicovering who I am, and I'm enjoying every moment, I surprise myself once in a while! Now, isn't it marvelous just making all these wonderful discoveries? You bet! Oh, just that special someone to share these wonderful discoveries with me. In time I'm told, "In time, you'll be there."
Hello Reverend Brewer,
I believe whe are children in our hearts. I don't think we ever Mature, do you? I know for a fact I'm not there and I'm over 60. My parents have always said that "I will always be a kid, enjoy life to the fullest, be loving, give it all you got, because that day will come, when you will meet your "MAKER" And maybe then you'll discover that you you are mature. I know all this makes no sense to you, but I know what they were talking about.
But you know something... jumping on Opera's couch, shouting into her mic "EUREKA" sounds like a wonderful idea! fun! And if I get there, maybe the same time as you, May I join You???
By the way: Your blog site lights up my life!So much to read! Great stuff! And those jokes... I have a tummy ache from all the laughter! Reading all those jokes will entertain me for a while, so many good jokes! Your "Think Pieces" are cleaverly put together. Lots of brainstorming!
I can tell, "your not there yet"
Never stop what your doing Reverend, it brings a lot of joy and laughter into our hearts. You are Loved.
I think that I will never reach "Maturety" it's only a word someone thought of as far as I'm concerned. What makes you mature? You are good at making an educated guess about something, or you learnrd how to tie your shoes? I like Virgil's idea about when he gets mature. Just think about it for a second Virgil, If we all mature at the same time, that would be one hell of an impact on Opera's couch! We'll break the springs!
Boy Oh Boy... I can't wait when I get mature! EUREKA! EUREKA! EUREKA!
To exist is to change
To change is to mature
To mature is to go on
Creating oneself endlessly
The older I get, the older older gets.
Oh, and don't grow-up-stay being a kid, you get more out of life that way!
Being an older gal of 62 (63 in Dec) I can tell ya, life is just beginning!! You are still young enough to have fun, and old enough to know when enuf is enuf! It's all in the attitude baybeeeee!!!Just chill and have fun and when we get mature....... We will hoot and holler "EUREKA"!
I find that as I get older, everything is more relaxed. I accept myself, I find the good in others and I look for the blessings in life.
Am I mature yet? Am I there yet?
YOU CAN BET YOUR BIPPY I AM!!!!!
Well Ladies, I have a question for all of you in the Metro Detroit and the Down River Area.
Have you ever been mixed up with a Player? One that seems like a great guy at first, but turns out to be an complete utter jerk? Unfortunatley, like a lot of women you haven't figured him out until you become emotionally and physically involved with this guy who wasn't really in it with you for the right reasons. He just wanted to "hook up" and play around. How come these awful and painful situations happen to so many women you ask?
He's a player, he's not into anything "real". He lures you in and your foolish enoughto fall for all this. You join these dateing clubs, and you think you're gonna meet a nice guy! (Yeah Right) You think you found this wonderful sweet guy. He charms you and you wonder if it is to good to be true. Next thing you know, you feel that rush of excitement and anticipation, the more you talk and laugh together, then by the end of the evening he may casually ask if he can come over and "hang out" a bit longer with you. You're so sure that there's something different about this guy and he assures you that he's a "good" guy and he's really into you-at least indirectley.Which makes it ok. So why shouldn't you enjoy the moment with this :great guy"? And before you know it things get physical and you spend the night together.
This wonderful physical excitement goes on for a time, and then he tells you "he lost interest", "No chemistry". The calls stop, no emails, nothing! Then it dawns on you... this guy wasn't different, he wasn't special, and he certianly wasn't going to be the love of your life. This guy is a Player!
Now I am trying to learn how to separate the great guys from the "TOADS" That is the last "Frog" I will kiss.
I'm having such a difficult time moving past the "inner stuff" and it's holding my life back. The sad truth of all this is I found out to late that he's a "Player" and he enjoys "the game" It's power and status. I think his external power doesn't have any real meaning, he's inmature, it's a better way to feel good about himself. He doesn't have the confidence and inner strengh I thought he had. He's detached and selfish. He is what I call the "INTIMATE PLAYER".
He seeks something purely physical from a woman, and he doesn't have much else on his mind... so he mask it by being very friendly and loving when he's in the company of a woman, but it isn't really love for them. He was often sensual and the artistic type, he charms you with his ability to make you comfortable with intimate contactsoon after he meets you. He dates a lot of women at one time and feeling no need to "Commit", nor seeing a reason to.
So now I ask myself, "how do I filter out the "PLAYERS" without becoming a JADED, BITCHY WOMAN who second guesses everything good a man tries to do and say? Having to always guess if a mans intentions are"True" or not is a real pain. But guess what??? I'm discovering that these are the realities of being a "MATURE WOMAN" who's seeking a "MATURE RELATIONSHIP" with a "MATURE MAN". If you care about yourself, and your sanity, don't kid yourself. It's hopelless cause with a man who doesn't have relationship on his mind.. you need a "MATURE" AND LOVING PARTNER, not a "PROJECT".
I found that this isn't a matter of being optimistic, this is being "DELUSIONAL" when your dealing with a "PLAYER".
This man I'm talking about...well... you know who you are don't you? You need to be exposed to who you really are.
You not only hurt me, God only knows how many more will admitt to what you are, will they see through you? maybe not, too bad.
You are so self centered and inmature.
I know this is negative feelings,hurt and anger. But I;m deeply hurt by you. Your such a player you most likely don't even realize all the hurt you cause.
And as I sit here and ponder... I wonder...will this be 'DELETED" like the other's?.
Dear Subtle,
I've had similar experiences as you. I've been hurt and felt like a fool when the true motives of the "player" were exposed. I learned to be more cautious with my emotions.
However, I realize that even though time with who I thought was my long awaited Mr Right was wonderful, the feelings were one sided. Some guys say certain things that imply 'we' have a future together. And some seem to invoke such special feelings that "I" believed we had a future together. To be honest, many times it was ME that misread the signs and thought he was seriously interested. He/they didn't promise anything. He/they didn't feel the same way I did and therefore didn't feel the need/desire to commit.
You posed the question "How do I filter out the players without being jaded?" What works for me is forgiveness. Forgiveness for him/them and for myself for not paying attention to the signs that he/they were not meant to be part of my future. And then finally reach the place within myself where I can be grateful for the things I learned/experienced while sharing time with him/them.
Hope this helps.
Dear Concerned,
Thanks for the input: And yes it helps, but you know, he also never made promises, or said he loved me. It's that we so enjoyed one another, had fun when we were together, he was gentle and so loving and more. He was what every woman dreams about. It was the way he ended the relationship. So cold, it was like all the times we were together never ever exsisted. You open up your heart and you get kicked square in the teeth. If this is "MATURETY" The part of life we call growing up. Golly, it sure hurts, keep it! My heart is so torn up, it's hard to forgive, and it's hard to ever trust again.
You are so welcome for the input.
I understand how it must have hurt the way things ended. And, how you would like to know the time spent together was meaningful to him too. Perhaps you would feel better then.
But, we don't have control over another's behavior. We are only responsible for our own behaviors and reactions.
It would be a shame to believe that "it's hard to ever trust again."
I have discovered that it takes some time to create a distance from the experience. Often, things appear brighter after a awhile. Good luck.
Hello Concerned,
Thanks once more for your reply. By the way: who are you? Can you send me an email? Is this your blog site? My email momentousme@hotmail.com
You sound to be of all heart and this is good. I just hurt so bad inside and it is so very difficult to understand why someone can do this sort of thing to another human being, and it not bother them. How cold they must be.
Hey Concerned,
This is subdued: My close friends call me "Matty"
Have you ever noticed how older men just want a pretty girl that will be seen in public with the good looking gal holding his arm. As for the good looking well built girl she is like a toy for him. He buys her nice things and thats what keeps her attracted to the old guy. Why are older men so unconcern about having a woman their age who will really take care of them when their body parts fall apart? I guess thats what separates a real "Mature" man from a Playboy, a man who wants the real woman for better or for his worst is seeking true love that last.
Keep in mind men, looks can be deceiving. Heck...where is this all going? Who started this?
Oh Well, God made me do this! LOL!
His eyes are wide as they stare deeply into yours. He wraps his arms around your waist and pulls you close. He touches your face and you lean in, tilt your head and your lips connect. The rushing sensation leaves you little room to wonder! You lose track of time as the kiss grows deeper and hungrier. Yes like fine wine kissing improves with age. Oh yes, am I there yet??? am I mature???
U-BET I AM! I've matured, I'm Grown, I'm past 60 and lovin it!
Here I come Stanly! I've improved!
Wanna Lip Lock!???
I personally have been working on it for the last 56 years and I am not anywhere near done yet! Mature? Nah!!! Not there yet!
I would really like to become more mature. Growing up people always said I was mature for my age, and yet Ifeel like I'm not mature enough. I can't make the difference between maturety and seriousness.
I have changed so much since last year. I think I've acheived this goal. I'm not as graceful as I would've liked, (mom says part of maturety is how graceful you are)
but I did it, I'm there, I'm mature!
Hi Subdued..Mattie.. this is Concerned. I emailed you... Hope to connect with you soon.
Hello Concerned,
Sorry, I haven't receaved a thing from you! Are you sure you send it to the right email address? (momentousme@hotmail.com)
All is not lost if someone isn't on the road to maturity by the time they are 21 or 30 or any particular age. The human spirit is remarkable. People can change their lives for the better even if others think they will never "grow up."
Imperfections, struggles and repeated failures need not be insurmountable obstacles. They can lead to greater wisdom and maturity. And it takes a mature person to accept the fact that perfection is not possible.
As we grow in maturity, self-acceptance and love, we enhance out ability to help not only ourselves, but others we meet along the way.
Growth is open to us if we are open to it.
Hell, I'm in my early 60's, and enjoying life as I see it, theres a lot of kid still left in me. I'm not there as of yet, and who cares... I'm enjoying the moment with someone that enjoys my immaturety!
I have my standards for recognizing emotional maturity:
I have the ability to deal constructively with reality,
The capacity to adapt to change,
Few symptoms of tension and anxiety, ability to find more satisfaction in giving than in receiving.
I now have the capacity to consistently relate to others with mutual satisfaction and helpfulness.
I have the ability to direct hostile energy into constructive outlets, and I have the capacity to love.
Maturity is an ability to have warm and intimate relationships marked by empathy and compassion
dont you think?
O God... is there anyone out there to love me????
You know Virgil,
All is not lost if someone isn't on the road to maturity by the time they are 21 or 30 or any particular age. The human spirit is remarkable. People can change their lives for the better even if others think they will never "grow up."
Imperfections, struggles and repeated failures need not be insurmountable obstacles. They can lead to greater wisdom and maturity. And it takes a mature person to accept the fact that perfection is not possible.
As we grow in maturity, self-acceptance and love, we enhance out ability to help not only ourselves, but others we meet along the way.
Growth is open to us if we are open to it.
I'M not growed-up yet, But, I would like very much to jump on Opera's couch and yell with you "Eureka"
I also read, I found this so I thought I'd also share this with everyone.
A Mature Person
Strives to live by a moral code
Acknowledges an obligation to society
Works to acquire self-knowledge
Develops a capacity to set goals, delay gratification, accept reality
Has a sense of humor and self-discipline
Is able to love and respect others as well as himself/herself
Appreciates differences among people
Accepts himself/herself
Hello Subdued, this is Concerned.
For some reason, the messages I sent to you were returned. Would you please send an email to thursdayschildren@yahoo.com ??? Thanks. Take Care.
Virgil,
Listening to our heart talking is a good way to become emotionally mature. Our heart can be sensitive to the voice of God,when He tells us what to do when we are quite within ourselves. But to do this we need to learn to slow down and be aware of exactly what we’re feeling.
hey rev, i dont wanna grow up and be mature. i like my life as it is but can i jump with you on operas couch and yell eureka too
I have read the later posts. It almost seems that people are saying that pain and difficulty lead to a form of maturity.
I know that I have grown through struggles and pain, but I am hoping for an easier path of growth in the future. Is it possible to find spiritual growth without pain and stuggle? I realize that overcoming difficulties 'jumpstarts' the creative processes and leads you to greater growth and probably quickens the development, but can't it be done in a gentle way?
Pain and difficulty CAN lead to maturity. Spiritual growth or expansion can be achieved in gentle ways. However, our egos, fears, the desire to control the outcome and everything and everybody is what causes the struggle and the pain.
Maturity is the ability to laugh at ourselves and our choices, in spite of ourselves. Maturity recognizes the richness of the present moment. Maturity focuses on what is truly important; relationships with each other, ourselves and to our Creator.
And Maturity is having fun no matter what your 'physical' age is; swinging on swings, skipping, and jumping on a couch shouting hooray.. EUREKA...
hi reverend virgil, i was looking in your blog site and read just about all of the comments, except the ones with the jokes. I really liked some of ways they talked to you and called you rev. i thought that was cool. well my mom didnt think so when i sent you a message useing thst word to adress you. my mom is very angry with me and said i owe you a apology. she said i was disrespectful towards you. so reverend virgili i am sorry. my mom said that the rate i'm going i will never mature. sorry for what i did. bethany
Bethany
I accept your apology and your maturity. Yes, you are mature for your age because you are willing to listen and respond in a positive way to your mother's advice. By the way, how old are you, if I may ask?
I also realize you thought it was "cool" that people felt close enough to a minister to call him "Rev". I'm cool with your thinking that it is cool, for it means that you respect me for being "down-to-earth" rather than "better-than-every-one-else".
So should you call me "Hey, Rev" or "Reverend Virgil"???
Mattie (Subdued)
Even if players are not mature, I trust you will take the high road of maturity and seek within yourself a greater depth of character, purposefulness, wisdom, and peace. God bless.
Thanks everybody for a lot of thoughtful comments about maturity. Let me respond to just a few of them.
1. Does maturity always imply seriousness? Certainly not!
2. Is being mature boring -- not fun? How would you know unless you're mature!
3. If you're labeled unrealistic, are you immature? When Einstein imagined what it would be like to ride on a light ray at 186,000 miles per second, was he childish, unrealistic, and immature?
4. If all of us can not fit on Oprah's couch and we ask her to provide a larger one, are we being immature?
Virgil,
If youth is wasted on the young, then perhaps introspection is and regret are symptons of maturety!
Bouncy castles, slides and swings,
The park is full of exciting things.
Children laughing, running, at play,
In a carefree world they live in today.
Sun shines on invisible flowers,
Naked from their eyes for hours.
The smell of blossom, sweet to the taste,
Their senses of life, a terrible waste.
To grow up too soon, old before time,
Dream of days gone by play on your mind.
Sitting and wishing that you are they,
The children, laughing, singing, at play.
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