#78. Who Is America?

Who Is America? Who are we? What do we care the most about? What are our core values? As an individual, who are you? As a nation, who are we? Does the nation we call America hold the same values as the individuals within the nation? What might people in other countries say about America?

Would you like a bowl of satire soup while pondering these queries about American’s image and its values … and about yours? Be forewarned – the soup is extremely hot!

My Bowl of Satire Soup

We place a high value upon fairness and equality. We believe in justice -- justice for all, if you can afford it. We care about punishing the evil-doers, even if they turn out to be innocent. We cherish the phrase, “justice has been served”, even if it results in destroying an innocent person’s life in the process. Justice often includes revenge, retaliation and, of course, getting-even! However, we avenge our enemies with fairness and equality. We only attack an enemy whom we deem to be treating us more unfairly than we treat them. Our motto is: “They can’t do that to us!” So, of course, war is fair game. 

We believe in honesty. We honor the truth. We speak the truth with respect, even if the truth is a lie. We care about truthfulness, even if we have to lie to achieve it. The truth is: we sometimes must proclaim over and over again that which seems more like a lie so that others will come to believe it to be the truth. This is because we place such a high value on truthfulness and honesty. 

We are proud to be on the side of rightness! Though we take great pride in being right, we take pity on those sitting on the wrong side of things. “We tell it like it is!” We are always right because we are never wrong! But being right makes no sense to those who are wrong – they are a lost cause. We are so convinced of being right that we sometimes have to turn our enemy into a monster for others to be convinced of our rightness.

We believe in education. Preparing our youth for the future is a number one priority. So we initiate the education process with preschoolers, indoctrinating them into the study of sex orientation and family structures. Learning to read and write in the English language is commonly emphasized for children in English-speaking families. We encourage everyone, including high school grads, to enroll in our prestigious colleges and universities in the hope that reading skills shall rise above those of a third grader. Money is no object when it comes to higher education; outstanding student loans reaching as high as $100,000 are not unheard of.

We care mostly about winning. We place such a high value on winning because winning is everything! Our greatest praise and accolades go to those who are winners. Good sportsmanship is displayed in winning the game – not in how we play the game. Winning means having great wealth and power, so we believe in winning at all costs, even if winning kills us. So, our allegiance definitely goes to being a winner.

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