#88. An Interview With GOD

Reporter:  Hello GOD, thank You for your willingness to take time out of your busy schedule for this interview. 

GOD:  Oh, thank you, my son! I’m so pleased that you want to know everything about Me! 

Reporter:  Well, I don’t have time to get to know ‘everything’ about You, but I would like to ask just a few questions, if You don’t mind.

GOD:  That sounds good to Me. What is your name?

Reporter:  My name? You mean … You don’t know my name! I always thought You were omniscient, having infinite knowledge.

GOD:  My son, I don’t have anything! I am Omniscience – Infinite Intelligence.

Reporter:  So, You don’t know everything?

GOD:  Of course not! Do you know everything? Is that something that’s beneficial for you? Would it be helpful for Me?

Reporter:  Good question! Einstein was a genius, but not even Einstein knew everything about everything … though I think he tried.

GOD:  Give that to Me … again. What is an Einstein?

Reporter: Oh, my God! Never mind. Let’s try another approach. Is it true that all the Scriptures were inspired by You?

GOD:  I really get a kick out of inspiring people. Why would I try to inspire a book?

Reporter:  I see. I want to know: Is there really a heaven and a hell?

GOD:  I’ll have to get back with you on that. Yes! And No!

Reporter:  I see … Well, the good book says that You created the universe in just six days and rested on the seventh?

GOD:  My son, I am always creating the universe and I am always resting in the universe.

Reporter:  WOW! Tell me this, GOD:  What is eternity like?

GOD:  Well, I’ve never heard of this thing you call ‘eternity’. Tell Me everything about it.

Reporter:  Gee! Here I am explaining ‘everything’ about ‘eternity’ to ‘GOD’. Here goes:  It means that You have always existed:  yesterday, today, tomorrow, always and forever.

GOD:  Thanks, my son, for sharing everything with Me about this thing called ‘eternity’. But, to tell you the truth, I just can’t relate to it. What I can tell you … is that I am always here now.

Reporter:  Wonderful! In Sunday School, they taught that You are everywhere-present. Are You in all places throughout the world … all at the same time?

GOD:  I am here in all times.

Reporter:  But are You … everywhere?

GOD:  What in the world is an 'everywhere'?

Reporter:  That’s Ok, GOD – one final question. Are You truly without bounds, without limits?

GOD:  Thank you, my son, for this enlightening interview. But I truly don’t know what a ‘without’ is about. I am always within everything, but never without anything. You can find Me in the flowers and the trees, the birds and bees; in the moon and the sun and the starlit skies. My son, I am even within you! Day and night – never without you, ever within you – from your birth and youth, and throughout all of your years. Yes, I am even within your doubts, your fears, your joys, your tears. Ever am I with you. Always in your here and now … I abide … within you.

Reporter:  Are You certain … that You are GOD?

GOD:  I am certain that you are GOD!

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#87. Splain That, Will Ya!

The happenings in the world are often unexplainable by the rational mind. That’s why I am here – to use my irrational mind to explain the non-explainables. 

#1 X-sample:  Here we go – only a moment ago, my computer spell-check let me know that ‘explainables’ is spelled inaccurately; the word is singular, not plural. But, my irrational thinking tells me that if I have more than one thing to explain, then it makes no sense to me that the word cannot be pluralized. Therefore, I shall add the plural spelling of the word – explainables – to my computer dictionary.

Of course, it may just be that rational people only have one thing they know how to explain. 

#2 X-sample:  Who is behind the propaganda for ‘climate change’ – alias ‘global warming’ – alais ‘Al-gor-rhythm'. The claim that the temperature of the earth is warming flies in the face of scientists with thermometers. They assure us that the earth has been cooling for the past several decades; and the claim that climate change is caused by ‘man’ is a contradiction to the Respiratory Society which believes that breathing in oxygen and expelling carbon dioxide to be a natural phenomenon of life. 

Of course, the truth of the matter is that man does create all this carbon dioxide in the atmosphere. And who are these political lobbyists that have been encouraging man to toxify the air? 

No, it is not the kingdom of the Brits!  I have found the culprits, though, with my irrational mind! It is the plant kingdom! They are out to get as much carbon dioxide to eat as possible. In fact, because man is producing more and more carbon dioxide, the trees and bushes and grasses are getting so fat from eating all that toxic stuff that they are being forced to exercise their limbs more vigorously and to go on those fad-diets en masse. 

#3 X-sample: The word ‘racism’ has recently been reactivated in our society. Why would a policeman – black or white – go out of his/her way in today’s world to shoot someone – white or black? That’s not rational! So you need me to explain with my irrational brain as to what’s going on here.

My dictionary defines racism as “a doctrine that inherent differences among the various human races determine cultural or individual achievement, usually involving the idea that one’s own race is superior.” Today, racism is defined more simply: “You don’t like me because I’m black!”

Actually, the latter would have been a more appropriate definition in the 1950’s and 1960’s than the academic definition (I was around in those days). But it has been my experience during the ‘80’s and 90’s and 00’s and 10’s (I was also around those decades) that racism out in public view had disappeared for most Americans – black or white. Heck! They’re marrying each other and having black and white kids (just trying to lighten it up a little, so give me a little slack, ok).

What has reared its ugly head recently, though, is not racism, but reverse-racism. I define the term as ‘playing-the-race-card’. Sounds like a poker game to me. And those with a race-card up their sleeve are sometimes black and sometimes white. And whatever the reasons they have for playing their race-in-the-hole, you can bet it has something to do with winning the game. 

Me, I don’t play that kind of poker! And those that do are not even aware that racism and reverse-racism are not legit games to play. There is only one race, for heaven’s sake:  The Human Race! And nothing in all the world is superior to it – except for cats and dogs.

#4 X-sample:  You have probably never, ever heard me say that I believe in atheists  – you know, people who do not believe in God (that’s what the word means). But I don’t believe in atheists! They must believe in a god and I shall use my irrational mind to prove it.

If a person claimed to be an atheist (which I don’t believe in), I would ask him/her which god it is that you don’t believe in. After all, there are many gods. So, tell me which god is it that you don’t believe in; it may be that I don’t believe in your god either! 
So, you see, my irrational thinking shows that they have to believe in a god so that they can say that they don't believe in it.

#5 X-sample:  The post office in my local city has a beautiful building, but the entrance doors are on the left side of the exit doors. Why would a highly educated architect do such an irrational thing as to switch the in-door and out-door ? Why would she or he make such a blunder? 

Moreover, when entering the post office through what should be the exit door, you must push the door open as if you were left handed rather than right handed. Are you following me here? 

This drives my rational mind right out the wrong door. Nor can my irrational thinking make any non-sense out of it. Finally, I have found the answer and I regret to explain to you that – it was not a mistake at all! The architect … was from England! And he must have been left-handed! 

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