#95. A Gorilla and a Kid

Of all the gazillions of happenings on any given day in our galaxy, the national and worldwide news agencies present to its readers and listeners only the most significant of these happenings. Most events go unnoticed, of course. If an incident worthy of broadcasting is in the news a second or third day, it becomes a newsworthy event that will go down in history . . . that is, until it is no longer vital to . . . human interest. Some events are in the news day after day for a rather lengthy period of time, even weeks and months. After all, inquiring minds want to know.

Such a recent happening that captured our attention for weeks on end – it seems – was about a gorilla and a kid. A young child found its way into a gorilla camp at the Cincy zoo. Fear captured the onlookers – family, friends, and sightseers -- for the gorilla was quite huge and the youngster was so very small. The drama ended with the killing of the gorilla to protect the life of the child.

However, the finale was only the beginning of the news story. Everybody had somebody to blame . . . and the reporters gave us the nitty-gritty low down. Some factions accused the zookeepers of needlessly killing an innocent 17 year-old gorilla. They believed that the child was not in harm’s way at all because the gorilla was actually protecting the little guy. I can believe that!

Another faction claimed racism, assuming the black kid was white. They were the wannabe civil rights crusaders of the 60’s when full-fledged racism was thriving – most likely, these wannabes were not even born till decades later.

Indeed, there were those who blamed the zoo for not building a fence – no doubt, to protect the zoo animals from the zoo attendees -- and making the animals pay for it.

Still another group of complainers blamed the mother of the kid for not keeping an eye upon her son 24/7. No doubt, she had a lot on her plate and forgot the lasso at home.

However, somehow, someway, somewhere . . . the reporters of the catastrophic event could not get it straight as to whether the father of the child … was present … at the zoo ... or not!  But his past criminal history was there, for sure! Hmmm

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#94. Four Dozen Eggs at the Border

I  often say that I’m a man with two countries. I live in Canada and work in the United States. Actually, I live on one side of the Detroit River and work on the other side. My commute to work is 22 miles and usually takes 35 to 40 minutes – a shorter trip than many with only one country. That includes the time it takes to ‘cross the border’; you know, paying the toll for crossing the Ambassador Bridge and answering the Custom officer’s questions. If you have made purchases, you are required to ‘declare’ them and possibly pay a ‘duty’ fee.

From time to time, a friend occasionally traveled to a large poultry farm in northern Michigan to buy fresh eggs. She always brought back four dozen eggs for me. On one particular evening, I was transporting my four dozen eggs … across the border … on my way home. The Customs agent happened to be a female who had taken a dis-likening to me. Go figure!

The Reader’s Digest version of what happened is that she hassled me with loaded questions and I retorted with my finest answers. Finally, she asked, “Do you have anything to declare?”

 “Eggs.” I kept it simple.

“How many?” She kept it simple.

“Four dozen.” I cannot tell a lie.

“You’re only allowed two dozen!” she exclaimed … with an air of final victory. Then she wrote me up, sent me inside to pay the duty fee on the extra eggs. I paid $8.00 for the duty on two dozen eggs. I was not a happy camper! 

The next three or four months passed without me ever seeing her again. Then, my friend brought me another four dozen, fresh, farm eggs from up north. As I was preparing to go home, I remembered the eggs in the fridge. Staring at them, I found myself pondering whether I would transport all of the four dozen eggs across the border. What to do?

My mother would be proud of me – I picked up two dozen eggs and left the other two dozen in the fridge – which I would take home the following day. When I arrived at the border, I brought my car to a stop, rolled down the window, and prepared to address the Customs agent. I’ll give you three guesses as to who was working in the booth that night – but you only need one. That’s right – it was the very same woman.

“Do you have anything to declare?” she asked.

“Eggs.” I kept it simple.

“How many?” She kept it simple.

“Two dozen.” I cannot tell a lie.

“You’re free to go now.”

 You just can’t make this stuff up! Life is stranger than fiction!

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#93. Barry Failed his First Grade Exam

Have you ever heard so many complaints in our society about a president of the United States? Half the country likes him and the other half disapproves of him. How is it that 50% of the nation sees the world one way and the other 50% sees it a completely different way? Someone is not looking with eyes to see and ears to hear – Jesus. 

Moreover, why didn’t the opposing side criticize Nixon and Johnson and Bush W and Clinton as much as they condemn President Barack Hussein Obama? It’s just not right! It certainly isn’t fair. 

The liberals say those criticisms are nothing more than sourer grapes. It’s because he is black – that’s all! If his policies are unacceptable, the liberals certainly don’t see it. 

The conservatives say it’s because of his policies – not his race. They don’t hate him – they hate his policies. But really, what is so bad about his policies? Well, here is what the conservatives say: their claim is ...

that the President hates America – the greatest nation on the earth – and apologizes to the world for its history of colonialism, capitalism, slavery, and racism;

that he uses race and religion and economical status to divide the country’s citizens;

that he mocks the constitution with its separation of powers, using his pen to create new laws rather than administering the laws that he allows Congress to pass;

that he has undermined the job of the police in our large cities;

that he has weakened our military by eliminating many of its four-star generals who don’t support his military agenda. 

Some of the conservative critics feel he cares about the safety and well-being of foreigners more than that of our own citizens; others say that he lies about everything and they cannot trust anything he says. Some even point out that the President is beyond criticism, that he cannot bear to be scrutinized. Some say he lacks the intelligent to be president; others say he is incompetent to be president; still, others say he has his own agenda as president, knowing exactly what he is doing – that he is a Marxist socialist in support of the revolutionary movement of terrorism to change the world in which we all live. 

WOW! Well, I am here to declare that whatever has come down the pike in the last seven years is really not the fault of the President, whether you agree with him or disagree. If you want someone to criticize and blame, you should lay off the President and start attacking his very first schoolteacher. Yes, it’s the fault of his first grade teacher … long, long ago … who failed to instruct him in the real world in which we live. 

Here is the proof for all to see. An exam given to the young Barry in the first grade of elementary school … reveals it all. He failed the test, every single question marked wrong – not because of a lack of intelligence, but because his first-grade tutor was inadequate as a first grade instructor; she was incapable of educating the young Barry – it’s all her fault! Otherwise, he would have answered all the questions correctly on that written test … long, long ago … when he was in his very first year of education.

Well, you be the judge and jury. Here are the questions his teacher asked him along with the wrong answers given by the President-to-be:

    1.   How do you spell ISIS? 
          Barry’s answer: ISIL

     2.   What is the difference between climate and weather?

          Barry’s answer: Climate is about what takes place from 

          day to day. Weather it’s global warming one day or

          global cooling the next, it’s all about ‘climate change’,

          which has already been proven true weather the

          flat-earth society knows it or not. 

     3.  What is transparency?

           Barry’s answer: Transparency is being able to see 

           through brick walls and locked doors … like  Superman.

     4.  Where is Benghazi located?

           Barry’s answer: It’s somewhere in Africa where they

           show lots of X-rated movies about Mohammad.  

     5.  What is a JV team?

          Barry’s answer:  JV means junior varsity, like in 

          basketball or football. A JV team is not as good as a 

          Varsity team – they’re not that hot at playing the game! 

          HA!

      6.  Does your Dad and Mom take you to the doctor of

            their choice?

            Barry’s answer: Yes, PERIOD!

      7.  Is it true or false that terrorists in Syria are 

            ‘Islamic extremists’?

            Barry’s answer: What is an Isla… an Isla… I can’t even

            say those words, Ms Teacher. What do they mean,

            anyway?

      8.  What is a pathological liar?

            Barry’s answer: Beats me, I haven’t got a clue! Maybe 

            it’s the most logical path a liar takes, which makes it 

            very easy to do!

      9.  What was the importance of the Selma civil-rights 

            march of 1965?

            Barry’s answer: Due to the excitement of that famous

            march, my parents decided to get married in 1960!

    10.  What is your name and where were you born – Hawaii 

            or Kenya or Nebraska?

            Barry’s answer: My name – you can call me Barry 

            Soetoro, Barack Obama, or President. 

           Where was I born? I don’t know – I wasn’t there!

So, now you know. Don’t criticize him if he screws up. His teacher in the first grade was a bad apple!

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#92. The Gender Identity of God

When a new baby arrives in the home, what is the first question asked? Is it a boy or is it a girl? I have never heard a mother respond to that question, saying, “I don’t know. I forgot to ask … it!”

Apparently, this is becoming a major issue in America for we are hearing more and more about gender identity confusion. Indeed, the soul living in a particular body may have confusing feelings about the gender question. May God richly bless you.

So, I thought I would shed some humorous light upon what may be a serious subject for some. I came upon a poll that tends to show the extent of the matter. It reaches way beyond the United States – all the way up to heaven.

A Harris Poll revealed that 54% of the people in the U.S. believe that God does exist, but they are confused about God’s gender identity. The poll states the following results regarding people’s confusion with the question of God’s gender:

    39% believe that God is male;

    1% believe that God is female;

    31% believe that God is neither Male nor Female; and

    10% believe that God is both Male and Female.

Apparently, the Harris Poll never asked God about … ITS … gender. (notice how I’m very conscientious about God’s feelings here). Why not ask God about Its gender? Maybe the reason is that the Harris Poll people could be among the 46% that do not even believe that God exists! Or, maybe they just do not have ITS current email address.

In any case, the Bible clears up the matter. Although Numbers 23:19 in the Old Testament states: “God is not a man”, Jesus said in the New Testament that God’s gender is male and the church has confirmed it to be unquestionably true. But then the church also believes that the Holy Spirit is a person – a male person at that!

The good news is that no one questions the gender identity of Jesus – I think!.

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#91. Over Forty Quotes from Dr. Wayne Dyer

Today, on Sunday, August 30, as I got on-line and entered into ‘Google-Land’, a photo of Dr. Wayne Dyer appeared … along with an announcement from his family:  

 “Wayne has left his body, passing away through the night. He always said he couldn't wait for this next adventure to begin and had no fear of dying. Our hearts are broken, but we smile to think of how much our scurvy elephant will enjoy the other side. We Love You Forever.”

From the spiritual guru and self-help extraordinaire, Wayne Dyer, here you will find over 40 quotes from the author of over 40 books covering a career of over 40 years (I apologize in advance for any unintended mistakes):

“Love is the ability and willingness to allow those that you care for to be what they choose for themselves without any insistence that they satisfy you.”

“You have everything you need for complete peace and total happiness right now.”

“Stop acting as if life is a rehearsal. Live this day as if it were your last. The past is over and gone. The future is not guaranteed.”

“It is impossible for you to be angry and laugh at the same time. Anger and laughter are mutually exclusive and you have the power to choose either. “

“Everything in the universe has a purpose. Indeed, the invisible intelligence that flows through everything in a purposeful fashion is also flowing through you. “

“The components of anxiety, stress, fear, and anger do not exist independently of you in the world. They simply do not exist in the physical world, even though we talk about them as if they do.” 

"If you change the way you look at things, the things you look at change."

“Who we are is the part of us that is infinite, the part of us that never stops.”

"How people treat you is their karma; how you react is yours."

"When you judge another, you do not define them, you define yourself."

"Doing what you love is the cornerstone of having abundance in your life."

"Abundance is not something we acquire. It is something we tune into."

“Focus on loving the life you have now in the body you’ve got!”

“Go for it now. The future is promised to no one.”

“Self-worth comes from one thing: Thinking that you are worthy.”

“Practice being the kind of person you wish to attract.”

“Begin to see yourself as a soul with a body rather than a body with a soul.”

“You are not stuck where you are unless you decide to be.”

"Be miserable. Or motivate yourself. Whatever has to be done, it's always your choice."

"Conflict cannot survive without your participation."

"You cannot be lonely if you like the person you're alone with." “There is no way to happiness. Happiness is the way. “

“When you have the choice between being right and being kind just choose kind.”

“You cannot always control what goes on outside. But you can always control what goes on inside.”

“If you believe it will work out, you’ll see opportunities. If you believe it won’t you will see obstacles.”

“Friends are God's way of apologizing for your family.”

“With everything that has happened to you, you can either feel sorry for yourself or treat what has happened as a gift. Everything is either an opportunity to grow or an obstacle to keep you from growing. You get to choose.”

“Passion is a feeling that tells you: this is the right thing to do. Nothing can stand in my way. It doesn't matter what anyone else says. This feeling is so good that it cannot be ignored. I'm going to follow my bliss and act upon this glorious sensation of joy.”

“All blame is a waste of time. No matter how much fault you find with another, and regardless of how much you blame him, it will not change you. The only thing blame does is to keep the focus off you when you are looking for external reasons to explain your unhappiness or frustration. You may succeed in making another feel guilty about something by blaming him, but you won't succeed in changing whatever it is about you that is making you unhappy. ”

“Your reputation is in the hands of others. That's what the reputation is. You can't control that. The only thing you can control is your character.”

“I am realistic – I expect miracles.”

“The more you see yourself as what you'd like to become, and act as if what you want is already there, the more you'll activate those dormant forces that will collaborate to transform your dream into your reality.”

“Circumstances do not make a man, they reveal him.”

"The highest form of ignorance is when you reject something you don't know anything about."

"When you dance, your purpose is not to get to a certain place on the floor. It's to enjoy each step along the way." “You'll see it when you believe it.”

“If you knew who walked beside you at all times, on the path that you have chosen, you could never experience fear or doubt again.”

“Heaven on Earth is a choice you must make, not a place you must find.”

“You don't need to be better than anyone else; you just need to be better than you used to be.”

“Your children will see what you're all about by what you live rather than what you say.”

“In any relationship in which two people become one, the end result is two half people.”

“We are not human beings in search of a spiritual experience. We are spiritual beings emersed in a human experience.”

“Loving people live in a loving world; hostile people live in a hostile world -- same world.”

“Each experience in your life was absolutely necessary in order to have gotten you to the next place, and the next place, up to this very moment.”

“When you're at peace with yourself and love your self, it is virtually impossible to do things to yourself that are destructive.”

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#90. Cost of a College Degree

1).Today’s cost of a college degree is nothing less than

......astronomical.

2).What’s more, the value of higher education is simply.
.....incomprehensible.

.....................3).Both of these statements are the consequences of our
..........................advanced.civilization.

No doubt, you have noticed the italic type above – such is a means of adding emphases to the word or phrase. During my years at Ohio University in the 60’s, I could not italicize words, for a computer in those days would take up an entire room – and I had to sleep somewhere! In a hand-written composition, there was simply no way I could ‘print’ or ‘write’ in italics. So, we underlined the words to indicate italics.

You probably have also noticed – if you’re thinking right along with my path of reasoning – that the ascribed italicized words could have been presented in boldface type. For sure, bold type gets your attention!  

1) Today’s cost for my college degree at Ohio University would be $12,500 per year which adds up to a grand total of $50,000 for a four-year degree (that does not include room and board, which doubles the figure). Fifty years ago, I paid no more than $500 per year for tuition, or a grand total of $2000 for my degree. The increase in cost is twenty-five  (25 ) times what it cost me in the ‘60’s. Furthermore, the cost of room and board on the university campus has increased 25 times, as well. In spite of these figures, today’s salaries do not come close to that per cent of increase. Wages are most likely no more than six to ten times what they were in the 60s.

2) The value of higher education is subjective, at best – it’s certainly not for everyone. That’s why I asserted in the first paragraph that its value is incomprehensible. Who knows? Is it a profitable investment for an 18 year-old … or the father of an 18 year-old; or is it a fork in the road leading to indebted living … forever? On the other hand, it appears to be quite lucrative for those in the business of higher education. Somebody there … must be benefitting from the astronomical tuition rates required … for getting that degree!!!

3) Yes, it must be simply the cost of progress! One of the finest examples of our advanced society is the invention of the personal computer (now the size of a fat postcard) that can manufacture italicized type or boldface type or both italicized and boldface type … with merely the pointing of a mouse. What's more, I can juice it up even more ... with color!

However, we have not discovered the formulas for living without war. We appear to value our money more than our integrity. We most likely place a higher priority on our TV’s than on the continuous development of our minds and the broadening of our wisdom. And we do not seem to have learned … the secret of being happy.

In conclusion, I have always valued my experience in college. I discovered self-reliance and determination; learned to stand in lines day after day until I was able to get the class and instructor I wanted; enjoyed belonging to the sailing club and playing on the soccer team; passed an astronomy course in which I never attended a class … due to a work conflict. I even tried to take two courses that were offered at the very same time – it didn’t work out to my satisfaction. It is in the school of life, however, that I have discovered the highest education; it is attained by creatively drawing out of the inner well of untapped possibilities those hidden treasures … just waiting to be revealed.

I chose not to use italics or boldface in the previous paragraph for you would not have been able to read it … with all the emphasizing and attention-getters! ...
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#89. How It All Got Started

Two young brothers were in the loft of the old barn playing hide-and-seek in the hay. After a while, they stopped to give their bodies a rest from utter exhaustion. Lying in the straw, a conversation between the two was initiated. "Where did you come from ... anyway?" the younger brother asked.
     Staring off into the rafters, Cain responded: "Gee, I had pondered that very question ... long before you had arrived here on our farm. So, I asked Mom and she told me that I came out of her belly ... as a baby."
     "Really!" screamed his brother. "That's wild!"
     "Really!" Then I asked Mom how she had gotten here on this farm; I asked her point-blank if she had also been a little baby and if she came out of a belly, too."
     "What did she say?" Abel persisted, "Tell me, Cain! Whose belly did she come out of?"
     "Mom confided in me that she once upon a time wondered about that very question. She simply had had no knowledge of how she had gotten here, but that her first memories were of being a fully grown woman -- not a little baby. Thereupon, Mom went to our Dad and inquired, "Adam, I don't know who else to go to, so I'll just ask you:  How did I get here?" 
     "Wow! What did he tell her? I can hardly wait for the answer!"
     Cain continued his story: "Well, Dad told Mom that she had come out of his side as a fully grown woman."
     "No kidding," Abel burst out laughing. "So, you came out of Mom's belly as a baby and Mom came out of Dad's side as a woman. That sounds like a fairy tale, for sure!"
     "That's not all, Abel. I then asked Mom about Dad. 'Mom, how did Dad get here on this farm? Did he come out of someone's belly as a baby or out of somebody's side as a man? And if so, who?' Well Abel, you will never guess what she said!"
     The younger brother blurted out, "Hurry up, Cain, stop dragging the story out! What did Dad tell her? What did he say?"
     "Dad told Mom that he doesn't recall ever being a baby, but that his first memories were of being a fully grown man. Then he explained to her that there was not a soul in sight -- except for God, who was ... out of sight."
     "God! Who was God? Abel interrupted. "Was god a man or a woman or what?" Abel was breathless by now.
     Cain resumed his story: "Well, here's what Mom told me. Dad had insisted he had never seen God in a human form, for He was invisible. But Dad was curious like all of us, so he asked God, 'How did I get here on this farm?' Here is how the story unfolds, according to Mom."

God said, 'Well, Adam, I made you a fully grown man out of the mud.'

What do you mean -- out of mud?' asked Adam.

'Well, chemically speaking, you are 90% water and 10% dust. When I mixed it all up: Voila! You became a physical, human being.  Quite brilliant, don't you think?'

Adam stammered the words, 'I see ... I think. So I came from You then.'

God confirmed, 'You could say that. After all, there was no one else around, but Me.'

Adam had another question: 'So, tell me, God, how did You get here on this farm? Where did You come from?'

God stared off into the distant heavens ... introspectively ... then responded to Adam: 'Well, I had often pondered that very question Myself. You see, all I can remember is that from the very beginning, I was a fully matured Breath-of-Life, the infinite Pneuma everywhere-present throughout the invisible Cosmos. I remember hearing the silence of a gigantic gust of wind howling through the heavenly oaks and pines and evergreens, when suddenly ... in an infinite moment-in-time ... the invisible, intangible whirlwind burst into a thundering explosion and ...

Eureka!  Here AM I!'

     Cain's brother was spellbound. Finally, with a calm voice, Abel spoke, "Cain, you should put this in a book." 
     Then, after several moments of silent pondering, Abel yelled out to his brother, "Come on, Cain, it's your turn. You hide ... and I'll find you!"

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